It has recently come to my attention that in my 10+ years (yes I am aware that this is pathetic) in the service industry that I have come accross some incredible people, mostly women : ) I met ALL of my best friends in Columbia in the restaurant I worked in, Longhorn Steakhouse. All of these women have since gone on from the service industry, one is married with three step children and just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. One is currently enrolled to begin school in the fall, and plans on maintaining her full time job in the meantime. Another one has had a successful career in the banking industry, and is truly to blast to be around. In yet another restaurant/bar I have met another joy, Ms. Jordan Bullington, who if you know her I do not need to elaborate.
These are only the people who are closest to me, but I could go on and on about these fabulous women, but I want to dig further into their, and other's experiences. I have encountered women who have been beat by their significant others, I have experienced several friends/ fellow co-workers who encountered the unexpected pregnancies and had to make some life changing decisions, I myself included in this group. I have stood by my friends as they have gotten married, and I have helped friends through gut wrenching breakups, and the not serious breakups.
For those of you who have been in the service industry or still are in the service industry you know that key is "service with a smile." This proves to be difficult when you have just peed on a stick that turned pink, or when you are in the middle of planning your way out. Example: On one Friday morning close to Halloween 2009 I had already made the decision to leave my marriage and was in the final week before moving out. I hadn't told very many people, I didn't want people asking about it and quite frankly I didn't want to hear people's opinion on the matter. In the midst of cashing people out the computers crashed and I had no way to ring people out or to ring in what they were ordering. People were yelling at me telling me their orders, getting frustrated because they couldn't get their tabs, and in the middle of all of this my relief, the nightime bartender, came out and said "What's the matter Grace, you in the weeds?" That was enough for me to lose it, I burst into tears and ran outside. To most people it appeared as though it was just that, I was in the weeds and couldn't handle the computers going down, leading me to be a typical female and cry. Every since this day (which was a year and a half ago) I still get the "Hold on, don't give her too hard of a time, you know she'll cry."
I am telling this story because recently I have encountered a wonderful lady who seems to have a problem with a boyfriend who can't control his anger. He lashes out, calls her names, and he hits her. What amazes me the most about this lady is that despite the bruises on her arms you'd never know it. She's always smiling and laughing, and let me tell you her laugh in infectious. Just last night we had help her leave this boyfriend, and beleive me when I say it was a good thing I wasn't the one to pick her up from his house. This girl continues on with her work as though nothing has happened, nothing phases her.
The point I am trying to make here is that yes I know, to most of you who haven't worked in the service industry it's an easy job. But it's easy for us to forget that the people who we see everyday in the bar we frequent have lives that go on outside of this bar. So keep your smart ass comments to yourselves, because you never know what your server is currently going through: may it be a divorce, a pregnancy, a period, or heaven forbid we just have a bad day!! Thanks for your consideration.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The Guilt of Your Everyday Working Mom
As I lay in my daughters bed watching Justin Bieber's "Never Say Never" with her it occurs to me how much guilt is associated with everyday parenting. We are currently laying down trying to nap on this beautiful Wednesday, why you may ask are we indoors? The answer is that Mommy went out last night (yes a TUESDAY, don't judge) for a girl's night on the town. And contrary to mommy's beliefs she can no longer hang with the college crowd, and when she attempts to hang with the college crowd she is blessed with a wonderful gift of a hangover.
I had high hopes for my one day off this week, we were going to the pool, we were going to the library and we were going to be productive. You see, I have this disease I refer to as workacholism. I am a workaholic at heart......, hang on Miley Cirus is singing with the Biebs......Okay I'm back.... I work constantly and when I'm not working I'm attempting to pick up shifts either at the bar or the daycare. I'll blame this workacholism on my German ancestry, I come from a long string of workacholics. My grandfather is pushing 85 and still works everday of his life at the grocery store he has long owned, his daughter runs the store and hasn't had a day off for as long as I can remember.
They say that the first step in addiction is admitting to the problem, the problem in my case being addicted to work. This puts me in a predicament in my role as a mother. I love my daughter with all of my heart, but is it acceptable for her to be raised by the nice ladies at the daycare? In my defense I will say this, I am afforded oppurtunites that most women with conventional 9-5 jobs do not receive. I am off on this Wednesday all day, and once she wakes up I will make the most of our time together. But on the other hand I have to work on Saturday and Sunday. I have many days where I don't go into the bar until 6, in which case I have the afternoons to spend with my daughter, but quite often I am way too exhausted to do much with her.
I often tell my friends with children that no one warns you prior to having children that you as a woman will suffer with guilt for the rest of your parenting years. You're either working too much and not spending enough time with your children, or you're not working enough and not contributing to the needs of your children. We can all only do what we do best - be the best at both, and maybe find a happy medium?? I just hope that in this medium my daughter will be a well adjusted child who know that no matter what mommy loves her more than her work!
I had high hopes for my one day off this week, we were going to the pool, we were going to the library and we were going to be productive. You see, I have this disease I refer to as workacholism. I am a workaholic at heart......, hang on Miley Cirus is singing with the Biebs......Okay I'm back.... I work constantly and when I'm not working I'm attempting to pick up shifts either at the bar or the daycare. I'll blame this workacholism on my German ancestry, I come from a long string of workacholics. My grandfather is pushing 85 and still works everday of his life at the grocery store he has long owned, his daughter runs the store and hasn't had a day off for as long as I can remember.
They say that the first step in addiction is admitting to the problem, the problem in my case being addicted to work. This puts me in a predicament in my role as a mother. I love my daughter with all of my heart, but is it acceptable for her to be raised by the nice ladies at the daycare? In my defense I will say this, I am afforded oppurtunites that most women with conventional 9-5 jobs do not receive. I am off on this Wednesday all day, and once she wakes up I will make the most of our time together. But on the other hand I have to work on Saturday and Sunday. I have many days where I don't go into the bar until 6, in which case I have the afternoons to spend with my daughter, but quite often I am way too exhausted to do much with her.
I often tell my friends with children that no one warns you prior to having children that you as a woman will suffer with guilt for the rest of your parenting years. You're either working too much and not spending enough time with your children, or you're not working enough and not contributing to the needs of your children. We can all only do what we do best - be the best at both, and maybe find a happy medium?? I just hope that in this medium my daughter will be a well adjusted child who know that no matter what mommy loves her more than her work!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Forgive, Sounds Good
The opening line of one of my favorite Dixie Chicks songs says, "Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could." Amen sister! Following the my last two posts I received a message from my mom via facebook, which I was fully anicipating. She stated much that I already knew: they never viewed me as the bad guy, and they loved me no matter what. I wasn't this that stuck with me though, it was her final line. "Grace, you have to forgive yourself in order to move onto the future." Hhhmmm.... well said mom! But as with all things this is easier said that done, and quite honestly I feel like maybe me talking about everything will lead to forgiveness.
Let me also preface this by saying no I am not depressed. Many people after reading my first couple of blogs feel as though I am a very depressed person, and that's quite opposite of the truth. I currently have the love of my life sitting next to me, my 4 year old princess. I also am blessed to have found the man of my dreams, Brandon, and the two of us together found the perfect house for our little threesome. Brandon encourages me to do what I want and truly believes I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to.
Throughout my travels I have learned that we all makes mistakes, some larger than others. At the time I found out I was pregnant I felt as if that was a huge mistake; turns out it was the best mistake to ever happen to me. As I am sitting here writing this I can't help but think of the conversation I just had with my sister. Earlier today I lost my grandfather and my sister was supposed to speak with her on her lunch break. Instead of telling her boss that she had to go on break by a certain time in order to speaking with her waning grandfather she did what any hardworking person I know would do- she bit her lip and kept working. She now feels awful literally a half an hour of work cost her a conversation with Opa she'll never be able to have.
The most important thing is to learn from our mistakes and hopefully we'll never make them again, but that's the problem with mistakes isn't it? I know I've learned from my mistakes - I now use birth control and regularly tell women I encounter how easy pregnancy is to prevent- COME ON LADIES!!! hahaha....
In the words of my little 4 year old mistake -"Peace out!"
Let me also preface this by saying no I am not depressed. Many people after reading my first couple of blogs feel as though I am a very depressed person, and that's quite opposite of the truth. I currently have the love of my life sitting next to me, my 4 year old princess. I also am blessed to have found the man of my dreams, Brandon, and the two of us together found the perfect house for our little threesome. Brandon encourages me to do what I want and truly believes I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to.
Throughout my travels I have learned that we all makes mistakes, some larger than others. At the time I found out I was pregnant I felt as if that was a huge mistake; turns out it was the best mistake to ever happen to me. As I am sitting here writing this I can't help but think of the conversation I just had with my sister. Earlier today I lost my grandfather and my sister was supposed to speak with her on her lunch break. Instead of telling her boss that she had to go on break by a certain time in order to speaking with her waning grandfather she did what any hardworking person I know would do- she bit her lip and kept working. She now feels awful literally a half an hour of work cost her a conversation with Opa she'll never be able to have.
The most important thing is to learn from our mistakes and hopefully we'll never make them again, but that's the problem with mistakes isn't it? I know I've learned from my mistakes - I now use birth control and regularly tell women I encounter how easy pregnancy is to prevent- COME ON LADIES!!! hahaha....
In the words of my little 4 year old mistake -"Peace out!"
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wait for it.......
So where did I leave off?? Let's fast forward nine months from where I left off; I am now the proud mother of a beautiful baby girl, Braelyn Marie. Following her birth I performed my motherly duties - I cleaned, took good care of my daughter, I failed to cook though because those of you who know me know I have the ability to ruin a frozen pizza. I've even managed to mess up hamburger helper! Six months after Braelyn's birth her father was offered a job in Charlotte, North Carolina and we pack up and move 90 miles north.
After being with Braelyn's father for a year and a half at this point everyone around us is making it perfectly clear that we need to take the next step in our relationship, and I at the time to agree, it's time for us to get married. I must side track at this point in the blog - I am not going to dig into our relationship at this present time - I'll save that for MANY more blogs to come. So we get married, and of course the rest is bliss, right? WRONG. There were times in our first couple months of marriage where I took Braelyn out of the house, called my parents crying, and was determined to leave. It was then obvious that I was in a relationship that was destined for failure, so I started doing what any woman would do; I started hiding the money. A year and a half after we were "happily married" I moved out of my finanically secure home and into a small two bedroom condo in South Charlotte.
See the pattern? Everything I do blows up in my face. At this point I am battling with my ex for my daughter, something I swore would never happen. In case you don't know this about me, I am the most stubborn person I know. Everyone was telling me to protect myself, to get a lawyer and be prepared for the worst, which normally comes out during divorce proceedings. I must at this time mention a wonderful man who entered my life before I left my ex. NO I am NOT saying this in the sense of a boyfriend or anything related to that, I mean in the FRIEND sense. Brandon was a regular at my bar at the time and proved to be a great friend, and the best person to have in my corner. I must admit there were many times throughout the year where I had no fight left in me, I was ready to give up and Brandon very literally did the fighting for me. I am forever indebted to Brandon for this, and love him dearly to this day for that.
Alright, so now we're in court for Braelyn's custody and my ex completely blindsided me and he became the primary custodian of Braelyn, and I the BARTENDER had to pay him the ENGINEER $400 a month in child support. I will never forget the way I felt that day in the court room, I hit an all time low and became very depressed. Things soon turned around though, my ex signed over custody of Braelyn, so now we shared custody but I am the primary custodian and neither one of us are obligated to pay child support (AKA I have Braelyn all the time and am receiving no child support).
This brings me to the conclusion of why I am always the bad guy. Just look at a brief recap of what I've told you - I am a 27 year old divorcee, single mother to a 4 year old child, I bartend even though I have a 4 year degree from a very respectable college (go cocks). I continuously let those around me down; my parents, who want to see me happily married forever and who want me to get a "real job", my exes family, who I also walked out on, and lastly my daughter, who now has to split time between her father and I. Also, she will always be the product of a divorce, which stastically says all kinds of things that I won't get into. I work too much which means I probably don't spend enough time with Braelyn.
So that's it - that's my life in a nut shell. I only touched on many subjects which I will later go into detail about. Now you've gotten the brief overview of what I've gone through in recents times, and I look forward to further letting you into life as I see it; my life as the bad guy.
After being with Braelyn's father for a year and a half at this point everyone around us is making it perfectly clear that we need to take the next step in our relationship, and I at the time to agree, it's time for us to get married. I must side track at this point in the blog - I am not going to dig into our relationship at this present time - I'll save that for MANY more blogs to come. So we get married, and of course the rest is bliss, right? WRONG. There were times in our first couple months of marriage where I took Braelyn out of the house, called my parents crying, and was determined to leave. It was then obvious that I was in a relationship that was destined for failure, so I started doing what any woman would do; I started hiding the money. A year and a half after we were "happily married" I moved out of my finanically secure home and into a small two bedroom condo in South Charlotte.
See the pattern? Everything I do blows up in my face. At this point I am battling with my ex for my daughter, something I swore would never happen. In case you don't know this about me, I am the most stubborn person I know. Everyone was telling me to protect myself, to get a lawyer and be prepared for the worst, which normally comes out during divorce proceedings. I must at this time mention a wonderful man who entered my life before I left my ex. NO I am NOT saying this in the sense of a boyfriend or anything related to that, I mean in the FRIEND sense. Brandon was a regular at my bar at the time and proved to be a great friend, and the best person to have in my corner. I must admit there were many times throughout the year where I had no fight left in me, I was ready to give up and Brandon very literally did the fighting for me. I am forever indebted to Brandon for this, and love him dearly to this day for that.
Alright, so now we're in court for Braelyn's custody and my ex completely blindsided me and he became the primary custodian of Braelyn, and I the BARTENDER had to pay him the ENGINEER $400 a month in child support. I will never forget the way I felt that day in the court room, I hit an all time low and became very depressed. Things soon turned around though, my ex signed over custody of Braelyn, so now we shared custody but I am the primary custodian and neither one of us are obligated to pay child support (AKA I have Braelyn all the time and am receiving no child support).
This brings me to the conclusion of why I am always the bad guy. Just look at a brief recap of what I've told you - I am a 27 year old divorcee, single mother to a 4 year old child, I bartend even though I have a 4 year degree from a very respectable college (go cocks). I continuously let those around me down; my parents, who want to see me happily married forever and who want me to get a "real job", my exes family, who I also walked out on, and lastly my daughter, who now has to split time between her father and I. Also, she will always be the product of a divorce, which stastically says all kinds of things that I won't get into. I work too much which means I probably don't spend enough time with Braelyn.
So that's it - that's my life in a nut shell. I only touched on many subjects which I will later go into detail about. Now you've gotten the brief overview of what I've gone through in recents times, and I look forward to further letting you into life as I see it; my life as the bad guy.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Let's Start From the Beginning, Shall we?
Here I am, jumping on the blogging train, I'm sure Jordan Bullington is feeling like a proud mother! Two resons why I decided to blog: #1, I as most people do feel as if I have a lot to say and maybe someone will appreciate my experiences. #2 some of the things I've been through just HAVE to be told, and lastly #3, I say some funny things to myself that sometimes deserve to be shared. Oh, I forgot #4 blogging I hope will prove to be theareutic and according to many of you (mom that's you) I need therapy. (And yes, I do realize I have more than two reasons for blogging, thank you)
I guess I'll start with some background and get into the meat and potatoes later, I'm assuming people will actually read this one and want to read another one. Along with my background comes the explanation of my blog name. Many of you who have the pleasure of working with me at Boardwalk Billy's know of a certain somebody who gets very drunk and his tell is "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy." Well just today I was speaking with my daughter, who happens to be at my ex in-laws, and as my ex in-law hung up on me without speaking to me I couldn't help but think, "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy!?!?!?"
Let's get into how I'm always the bad guy. I am the oldest child of 3, proud daughter of Lt. Col. (Chaplain at that) Clyde and Ilona Scott. Growing up we were obviously raised in the church, religion was interwined in all aspects of our lives. As I progressed through high school I began experimenting with alochol, there-in lies my first "bad guy" move. When I graduated from high school I continued on to college at the University of South Carolina, where I graduated in 4 years, but have since had no luck finding a "real job". After colleg,e during the year I was "figuring out what I'm going to do with my life," I met my now ex-husband and became pregnant (the first time OF COURSE). So now I'm a 22 year old single girl who is still bartending at the local Longhorn Steakhouse, and I have to call my parents to inform them that I'm pregnant. (Did I mention that my father is serving in Iraq during this time!?!?!?!)
This is all I have time for at the moment, more to come. I haven't even gotten into why I'm the bad guy!!!
Until next time......
I guess I'll start with some background and get into the meat and potatoes later, I'm assuming people will actually read this one and want to read another one. Along with my background comes the explanation of my blog name. Many of you who have the pleasure of working with me at Boardwalk Billy's know of a certain somebody who gets very drunk and his tell is "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy." Well just today I was speaking with my daughter, who happens to be at my ex in-laws, and as my ex in-law hung up on me without speaking to me I couldn't help but think, "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy!?!?!?"
Let's get into how I'm always the bad guy. I am the oldest child of 3, proud daughter of Lt. Col. (Chaplain at that) Clyde and Ilona Scott. Growing up we were obviously raised in the church, religion was interwined in all aspects of our lives. As I progressed through high school I began experimenting with alochol, there-in lies my first "bad guy" move. When I graduated from high school I continued on to college at the University of South Carolina, where I graduated in 4 years, but have since had no luck finding a "real job". After colleg,e during the year I was "figuring out what I'm going to do with my life," I met my now ex-husband and became pregnant (the first time OF COURSE). So now I'm a 22 year old single girl who is still bartending at the local Longhorn Steakhouse, and I have to call my parents to inform them that I'm pregnant. (Did I mention that my father is serving in Iraq during this time!?!?!?!)
This is all I have time for at the moment, more to come. I haven't even gotten into why I'm the bad guy!!!
Until next time......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)