The opening line of one of my favorite Dixie Chicks songs says, "Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could." Amen sister! Following the my last two posts I received a message from my mom via facebook, which I was fully anicipating. She stated much that I already knew: they never viewed me as the bad guy, and they loved me no matter what. I wasn't this that stuck with me though, it was her final line. "Grace, you have to forgive yourself in order to move onto the future." Hhhmmm.... well said mom! But as with all things this is easier said that done, and quite honestly I feel like maybe me talking about everything will lead to forgiveness.
Let me also preface this by saying no I am not depressed. Many people after reading my first couple of blogs feel as though I am a very depressed person, and that's quite opposite of the truth. I currently have the love of my life sitting next to me, my 4 year old princess. I also am blessed to have found the man of my dreams, Brandon, and the two of us together found the perfect house for our little threesome. Brandon encourages me to do what I want and truly believes I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to.
Throughout my travels I have learned that we all makes mistakes, some larger than others. At the time I found out I was pregnant I felt as if that was a huge mistake; turns out it was the best mistake to ever happen to me. As I am sitting here writing this I can't help but think of the conversation I just had with my sister. Earlier today I lost my grandfather and my sister was supposed to speak with her on her lunch break. Instead of telling her boss that she had to go on break by a certain time in order to speaking with her waning grandfather she did what any hardworking person I know would do- she bit her lip and kept working. She now feels awful literally a half an hour of work cost her a conversation with Opa she'll never be able to have.
The most important thing is to learn from our mistakes and hopefully we'll never make them again, but that's the problem with mistakes isn't it? I know I've learned from my mistakes - I now use birth control and regularly tell women I encounter how easy pregnancy is to prevent- COME ON LADIES!!! hahaha....
In the words of my little 4 year old mistake -"Peace out!"
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wait for it.......
So where did I leave off?? Let's fast forward nine months from where I left off; I am now the proud mother of a beautiful baby girl, Braelyn Marie. Following her birth I performed my motherly duties - I cleaned, took good care of my daughter, I failed to cook though because those of you who know me know I have the ability to ruin a frozen pizza. I've even managed to mess up hamburger helper! Six months after Braelyn's birth her father was offered a job in Charlotte, North Carolina and we pack up and move 90 miles north.
After being with Braelyn's father for a year and a half at this point everyone around us is making it perfectly clear that we need to take the next step in our relationship, and I at the time to agree, it's time for us to get married. I must side track at this point in the blog - I am not going to dig into our relationship at this present time - I'll save that for MANY more blogs to come. So we get married, and of course the rest is bliss, right? WRONG. There were times in our first couple months of marriage where I took Braelyn out of the house, called my parents crying, and was determined to leave. It was then obvious that I was in a relationship that was destined for failure, so I started doing what any woman would do; I started hiding the money. A year and a half after we were "happily married" I moved out of my finanically secure home and into a small two bedroom condo in South Charlotte.
See the pattern? Everything I do blows up in my face. At this point I am battling with my ex for my daughter, something I swore would never happen. In case you don't know this about me, I am the most stubborn person I know. Everyone was telling me to protect myself, to get a lawyer and be prepared for the worst, which normally comes out during divorce proceedings. I must at this time mention a wonderful man who entered my life before I left my ex. NO I am NOT saying this in the sense of a boyfriend or anything related to that, I mean in the FRIEND sense. Brandon was a regular at my bar at the time and proved to be a great friend, and the best person to have in my corner. I must admit there were many times throughout the year where I had no fight left in me, I was ready to give up and Brandon very literally did the fighting for me. I am forever indebted to Brandon for this, and love him dearly to this day for that.
Alright, so now we're in court for Braelyn's custody and my ex completely blindsided me and he became the primary custodian of Braelyn, and I the BARTENDER had to pay him the ENGINEER $400 a month in child support. I will never forget the way I felt that day in the court room, I hit an all time low and became very depressed. Things soon turned around though, my ex signed over custody of Braelyn, so now we shared custody but I am the primary custodian and neither one of us are obligated to pay child support (AKA I have Braelyn all the time and am receiving no child support).
This brings me to the conclusion of why I am always the bad guy. Just look at a brief recap of what I've told you - I am a 27 year old divorcee, single mother to a 4 year old child, I bartend even though I have a 4 year degree from a very respectable college (go cocks). I continuously let those around me down; my parents, who want to see me happily married forever and who want me to get a "real job", my exes family, who I also walked out on, and lastly my daughter, who now has to split time between her father and I. Also, she will always be the product of a divorce, which stastically says all kinds of things that I won't get into. I work too much which means I probably don't spend enough time with Braelyn.
So that's it - that's my life in a nut shell. I only touched on many subjects which I will later go into detail about. Now you've gotten the brief overview of what I've gone through in recents times, and I look forward to further letting you into life as I see it; my life as the bad guy.
After being with Braelyn's father for a year and a half at this point everyone around us is making it perfectly clear that we need to take the next step in our relationship, and I at the time to agree, it's time for us to get married. I must side track at this point in the blog - I am not going to dig into our relationship at this present time - I'll save that for MANY more blogs to come. So we get married, and of course the rest is bliss, right? WRONG. There were times in our first couple months of marriage where I took Braelyn out of the house, called my parents crying, and was determined to leave. It was then obvious that I was in a relationship that was destined for failure, so I started doing what any woman would do; I started hiding the money. A year and a half after we were "happily married" I moved out of my finanically secure home and into a small two bedroom condo in South Charlotte.
See the pattern? Everything I do blows up in my face. At this point I am battling with my ex for my daughter, something I swore would never happen. In case you don't know this about me, I am the most stubborn person I know. Everyone was telling me to protect myself, to get a lawyer and be prepared for the worst, which normally comes out during divorce proceedings. I must at this time mention a wonderful man who entered my life before I left my ex. NO I am NOT saying this in the sense of a boyfriend or anything related to that, I mean in the FRIEND sense. Brandon was a regular at my bar at the time and proved to be a great friend, and the best person to have in my corner. I must admit there were many times throughout the year where I had no fight left in me, I was ready to give up and Brandon very literally did the fighting for me. I am forever indebted to Brandon for this, and love him dearly to this day for that.
Alright, so now we're in court for Braelyn's custody and my ex completely blindsided me and he became the primary custodian of Braelyn, and I the BARTENDER had to pay him the ENGINEER $400 a month in child support. I will never forget the way I felt that day in the court room, I hit an all time low and became very depressed. Things soon turned around though, my ex signed over custody of Braelyn, so now we shared custody but I am the primary custodian and neither one of us are obligated to pay child support (AKA I have Braelyn all the time and am receiving no child support).
This brings me to the conclusion of why I am always the bad guy. Just look at a brief recap of what I've told you - I am a 27 year old divorcee, single mother to a 4 year old child, I bartend even though I have a 4 year degree from a very respectable college (go cocks). I continuously let those around me down; my parents, who want to see me happily married forever and who want me to get a "real job", my exes family, who I also walked out on, and lastly my daughter, who now has to split time between her father and I. Also, she will always be the product of a divorce, which stastically says all kinds of things that I won't get into. I work too much which means I probably don't spend enough time with Braelyn.
So that's it - that's my life in a nut shell. I only touched on many subjects which I will later go into detail about. Now you've gotten the brief overview of what I've gone through in recents times, and I look forward to further letting you into life as I see it; my life as the bad guy.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Let's Start From the Beginning, Shall we?
Here I am, jumping on the blogging train, I'm sure Jordan Bullington is feeling like a proud mother! Two resons why I decided to blog: #1, I as most people do feel as if I have a lot to say and maybe someone will appreciate my experiences. #2 some of the things I've been through just HAVE to be told, and lastly #3, I say some funny things to myself that sometimes deserve to be shared. Oh, I forgot #4 blogging I hope will prove to be theareutic and according to many of you (mom that's you) I need therapy. (And yes, I do realize I have more than two reasons for blogging, thank you)
I guess I'll start with some background and get into the meat and potatoes later, I'm assuming people will actually read this one and want to read another one. Along with my background comes the explanation of my blog name. Many of you who have the pleasure of working with me at Boardwalk Billy's know of a certain somebody who gets very drunk and his tell is "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy." Well just today I was speaking with my daughter, who happens to be at my ex in-laws, and as my ex in-law hung up on me without speaking to me I couldn't help but think, "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy!?!?!?"
Let's get into how I'm always the bad guy. I am the oldest child of 3, proud daughter of Lt. Col. (Chaplain at that) Clyde and Ilona Scott. Growing up we were obviously raised in the church, religion was interwined in all aspects of our lives. As I progressed through high school I began experimenting with alochol, there-in lies my first "bad guy" move. When I graduated from high school I continued on to college at the University of South Carolina, where I graduated in 4 years, but have since had no luck finding a "real job". After colleg,e during the year I was "figuring out what I'm going to do with my life," I met my now ex-husband and became pregnant (the first time OF COURSE). So now I'm a 22 year old single girl who is still bartending at the local Longhorn Steakhouse, and I have to call my parents to inform them that I'm pregnant. (Did I mention that my father is serving in Iraq during this time!?!?!?!)
This is all I have time for at the moment, more to come. I haven't even gotten into why I'm the bad guy!!!
Until next time......
I guess I'll start with some background and get into the meat and potatoes later, I'm assuming people will actually read this one and want to read another one. Along with my background comes the explanation of my blog name. Many of you who have the pleasure of working with me at Boardwalk Billy's know of a certain somebody who gets very drunk and his tell is "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy." Well just today I was speaking with my daughter, who happens to be at my ex in-laws, and as my ex in-law hung up on me without speaking to me I couldn't help but think, "Ok....So now I'm the bad guy!?!?!?"
Let's get into how I'm always the bad guy. I am the oldest child of 3, proud daughter of Lt. Col. (Chaplain at that) Clyde and Ilona Scott. Growing up we were obviously raised in the church, religion was interwined in all aspects of our lives. As I progressed through high school I began experimenting with alochol, there-in lies my first "bad guy" move. When I graduated from high school I continued on to college at the University of South Carolina, where I graduated in 4 years, but have since had no luck finding a "real job". After colleg,e during the year I was "figuring out what I'm going to do with my life," I met my now ex-husband and became pregnant (the first time OF COURSE). So now I'm a 22 year old single girl who is still bartending at the local Longhorn Steakhouse, and I have to call my parents to inform them that I'm pregnant. (Did I mention that my father is serving in Iraq during this time!?!?!?!)
This is all I have time for at the moment, more to come. I haven't even gotten into why I'm the bad guy!!!
Until next time......
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