As I lay in my daughters bed watching Justin Bieber's "Never Say Never" with her it occurs to me how much guilt is associated with everyday parenting. We are currently laying down trying to nap on this beautiful Wednesday, why you may ask are we indoors? The answer is that Mommy went out last night (yes a TUESDAY, don't judge) for a girl's night on the town. And contrary to mommy's beliefs she can no longer hang with the college crowd, and when she attempts to hang with the college crowd she is blessed with a wonderful gift of a hangover.
I had high hopes for my one day off this week, we were going to the pool, we were going to the library and we were going to be productive. You see, I have this disease I refer to as workacholism. I am a workaholic at heart......, hang on Miley Cirus is singing with the Biebs......Okay I'm back.... I work constantly and when I'm not working I'm attempting to pick up shifts either at the bar or the daycare. I'll blame this workacholism on my German ancestry, I come from a long string of workacholics. My grandfather is pushing 85 and still works everday of his life at the grocery store he has long owned, his daughter runs the store and hasn't had a day off for as long as I can remember.
They say that the first step in addiction is admitting to the problem, the problem in my case being addicted to work. This puts me in a predicament in my role as a mother. I love my daughter with all of my heart, but is it acceptable for her to be raised by the nice ladies at the daycare? In my defense I will say this, I am afforded oppurtunites that most women with conventional 9-5 jobs do not receive. I am off on this Wednesday all day, and once she wakes up I will make the most of our time together. But on the other hand I have to work on Saturday and Sunday. I have many days where I don't go into the bar until 6, in which case I have the afternoons to spend with my daughter, but quite often I am way too exhausted to do much with her.
I often tell my friends with children that no one warns you prior to having children that you as a woman will suffer with guilt for the rest of your parenting years. You're either working too much and not spending enough time with your children, or you're not working enough and not contributing to the needs of your children. We can all only do what we do best - be the best at both, and maybe find a happy medium?? I just hope that in this medium my daughter will be a well adjusted child who know that no matter what mommy loves her more than her work!
